It's Friday, and beautiful out - I am single and young... and what am I doing tonight? I am sitting at a friend's house - babysitting her one year old boy, Jonas, while she and her hubby meet family for a birthday celebration. Am I lame, or am I kind? Other available 29 year olds in this happening city don't want nights 'in' like this. But, the kicker is...not only am I enjoying it, I looked forward to it! Just that sweet time around this baby is so dear - playing with books and blocks, singing silly songs and clapping loudly to get his attention.
I wonder if part of my excitement, my willingness to do this, is because it is so novel to me. I can feed him, change him, entertain him, cuddle him and then give him right back to his mom and dad. No real lasting responsibility. And even in those few hours, the brief time I spend in a baby's company, I get exhausted. I wonder, for you real moms out there, do you find the energy? Are you wiped out all the time? Did you wonder where your strength and interest would come from - and then it just showed up?
I have ALWAYS known I wanted children. I still know that. I guess the question, that I'm putting out there to all the great mommies, is... does it come naturally? I hear often that once a child enters a family, it is impossible to even remember how things were before it's arrival. I just want to know, will I still feel like 'April' when so much of my life changes so radically? I suppose you will say that I will still feel like me, but redefined somehow - bettered, humbled, challenged maybe? But, to me, perhaps there is a small bit of sadness with that, too. That chapters and chapters of life that grew us up, are altered, or lost, forever.
I am just rambling as sweet baby J sleeps upstairs. I can say this, I am thankful for such dear friends, who trust me to care for and love on their little angels. There are some very very precious kiddos in my life, and just seeing the world through their eyes is refreshing and humorous!
I wonder if part of my excitement, my willingness to do this, is because it is so novel to me. I can feed him, change him, entertain him, cuddle him and then give him right back to his mom and dad. No real lasting responsibility. And even in those few hours, the brief time I spend in a baby's company, I get exhausted. I wonder, for you real moms out there, do you find the energy? Are you wiped out all the time? Did you wonder where your strength and interest would come from - and then it just showed up?
I have ALWAYS known I wanted children. I still know that. I guess the question, that I'm putting out there to all the great mommies, is... does it come naturally? I hear often that once a child enters a family, it is impossible to even remember how things were before it's arrival. I just want to know, will I still feel like 'April' when so much of my life changes so radically? I suppose you will say that I will still feel like me, but redefined somehow - bettered, humbled, challenged maybe? But, to me, perhaps there is a small bit of sadness with that, too. That chapters and chapters of life that grew us up, are altered, or lost, forever.
I am just rambling as sweet baby J sleeps upstairs. I can say this, I am thankful for such dear friends, who trust me to care for and love on their little angels. There are some very very precious kiddos in my life, and just seeing the world through their eyes is refreshing and humorous!
4 comments:
i mourned my old life when i brought my sweet BellaRose home. It was a VERY hard adjustment. I suddenly realized that i would no longer be able to just run out somewhere with out having to think about a baby and the million things that go along with taking the baby with me. it is so sweet though. i can't imagine not having her. i am not a "natural" mom. i never even babysat, but this for some reason has come naturally. by God's grace it has come naturally. i know i was not ready until it happened, and i was so thankful for the 9 months i had to get used to the idea of being a mom.
Sunday - I appreciate your honesty! It is a reminder to me, even now, to enjoy those times that I do run here and there - with only my schedule and desires to consider. This 'April only' time is valuable and not to be wasted, wished away, or rushed!! Although, thankfully, it does sound like God gives what is needed for living and caring for children, at exactly the necessary times!
You are kind, way kind, and God will bless you for that.
Can't imagine what's in store for someone as amazing as you.
think of all the time you have to make beautiful jewelry and know that I'm having a really hard time making pots.
The grass is always greener I think, but there are definitely flowers in both yards.
I think it's time for an update! You're not still babysitting are you! = ) Love you girl!
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