Heads-Up, I'm BACK

Really? It's been THAT long since I last had anything to say? February - 7 months ago. I am such a quiet person. I should really work on that. Everyone always tells me how shy I am. (insert saracastic tone here)


So, LOTS has happened in that amount of time. Well, lots and kindof not. Stuff, but maybe not ALL the stuff I had hoped to look back and see. The biggest deal is that I finally found a church home. And I realize that IS a huge thing - for me, for any of us. Not that I need the four walls, or the religion aspect, or the institution itself - what I need is the community. The people, the connections, the relationships. That's what life is all about anyway. Relationships.


It's not like I didn't have great friendships and even Christian relationships before now; thank goodness God has faithfully brought along solid lifetime types of buds into my world at every turn. But, it's been awhile since I was rooted in a specific group of believers, on a routine basis. And because we are built to function like that, to do life together, if feels very good to find myself in a head-space, in a heart-space, where I am growing again. Even being challenged in healthy ways to sink deeper into my love of Jesus.


So, now onto not so great stuff - my grandparents passed away this year - my mom's folks. And I am real honest about having not ever been super close to them. But, to see the hit it took on my mother. Man. Talk about hurt. I am still really aching for her loss. My grandparents didn't do the best job ever of showing their kids unconditional love growing up. Specifically, my grandma would also find ways to bluntly state her discontent with any situation - and with any of her daughters, their husbands, or any of the grandchildren. Visiting them was always an obligation that I did not eagerly seek to fulfill. However, they were family and despite the MANY issues that surrounded the relationships - we loved them. And my mom misses her parents. I think it's mostly knowing that they simply aren't here anymore. Grandma isn't scooting around the kitchen in her vintage apron - clearing whatever inch of counterspace she hasn't covered in tupperware containers - to mix up a random medley of leftovers. Grandpa isn't falling asleep during prayer or talking about the cars he owned and fixed over the years. They aren't coming to Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or Easter. They are gone. I cannot even imagine how that must feel. Especially for someone like me, who will have to face that someday - after having enjoyed an amazing relationship with my mom and dad. I simply can't picture my life without them, their support, their laughter, the foundational stability that serves as my background. Tough stuff. heavy stuff. I do that. I get so far into my head sometimes... I am not sure which way is out.


Out...that reminds me to mention something. I am making a new goal. To get OUT of debt. I mean, yes, that has always NEEDED to happen. I always knew it would not disappear on it's own. But, I have signed up for Financial Peace University - a Christian course that meets weekly in a small group here - with the intent of getting a handle on my finances, paying off debt and saying goodbye to all that stress and emotion I carry around about money. My constant lack of funds bothers me all the time and burdens so many aspects of my life. This process is going to be extremely painful. I resist discipline in all shapes and forms. But, it is an absolute MUST. I have to clean up this mess and move on. One of the first orders of business? Sell stuff that I don't need! Just tonight someone came to pick up two (awesome, but I don't have the space) vintage nightstands and left me with $75. That's going straight into my 'Emergency Fund' envelope. The first step in our class is to get $1000 in the bank and not touch it. $1000 is a bunch of dough and it's a bit daunting...but, little by little, I will get there. Even if I have to sell my kidney.


What else you ask? Oh...well, I have to save some info for next time, right?!