It Looks Like Rain...

The weather all week has been overcast and cloudy - sorta gray and windy, with the occasional sunspot shining through - but I have been waiting for rain. Wanting it to pour down - that real hard piercing shower of a rain, that is loud and constant, and shakes everything loose for a few hours through pure, cleansing water. I want thunder and to see lightning and to watch it all roll in and play out. It occurs to me that I am wanting this to happen in my very life. I feel like I have been right here, standing in the middle of a tough and relentless storm, for years now - and I want to see it play out. Meaning, not only do I want it finished, but I want to see the results - to see parts of me cleansed and restored, and be able to look in and see what was accomplished. What parts of me were shaken into newness? What lessons has God been trying to teach me through the thunder and looming clouds? What was the purpose for this torrential downpour?

Answers escape me. Interesting that the Bible promises trials. That is part of the reality of it all. Falling and hurting are huge aspects of what we will all endure while living - an unchangeable fact. What the Word doesn't promise is explanation. Although I pray and beg God to reveal exactly what these valleys in my life are all about, there is no scripture that says I will understand. No guarantee that I will actually KNOW what the reasons are behind these painful experiences. What a bummer. Truly. I DO believe Jesus sometimes chooses to offer hindsight and understanding...but, this happens to be one of those times where He remains silent. In this current season of my very stormy life, I have no answers... NO idea what God is doing with me, with this entire mess of circumstances.

So, I wait - I wait for the final raindrop, the final gust of wind - after which all grows calm. I wait and strain for His voice. In the meantime...I try to trust, that this will all come together for good. That although He is not sharing the details at this point, my hurt is not unnoticed and these years have not been wasted. In the meantime...I grab my boots and find some puddles - I dance without a jacket, and allow it all to wash over me.