For those of you who don't already know, I was arrested and charged with a DUI last June. It was the scariest, most terrifying and humiliating experience I have ever been through! I had been out with a group of girl friends, celebrating a birthday and we all drank too much and then each chose to drive ourselves home. A ridiculous, one-time, irresponsible decision that I take full responsibility for. Now, looking back, even a $50 cab fee doesn't sound too expensive. But, hindsight is 20/20 -and lessons aren't learned in reverse.
I was pulled over shortly after leaving the bar - having made a wrong turn. Although I passed the roadside sobriety tests, and my functions were all very high - the machines don't lie - and my breathalizer reading was above the legal limit. I was handcuffed, put in the back of a cop car, frisked at the station, fingerprinted, and literally thrown into a cell with another prisoner. She was pregnant, on crack, and had attacked her brother with a kitchen knife. Although she slept most of the time, I sat awake, on the hard floor with my head leaning against the concrete wall - in tears, feeling very alone, misunderstood and in shock. Nobody knew I was in there, the jail officers ignored and ridiculed all of us. I felt further from my life than I know how to articulate in words. I kept thinking that this must be a small part of what hell is like. Removed from love, from understanding, from peace or comfort.
The months following my arrest were filled with court dates, fines, meetings with a lawyer, mandatory alcohol safety courses, AA meetings, hiked insurance premiums and most discouraging, a restricted driver's license. The entire process ended up costing over $5k, which is more than I had in the bank or savings. But worse than that, my driving priviledges were revoked, making it illegal to go anywhere but work and back. No grocery store trips, no meeting friends for coffee or heading across town for dinner. No picking up drycleaning or taking a quick drive to Great Falls Park or to the river for a hike. Also, having quit my job 3+ months ago - I haven't been permitted to drive at all (since there was no work to go to).
I have spent so much time in my apartment that the days blur together. Sometimes huge blocks of a day go by and I have nothing to show for it. Often, showering and getting ready for the day was pointless. I have filled my weeks with 'to do lists' of little projects around the house. But, mostly, it's been a daily (so far, fruitless) online search for a new job. I have come to the solid conclusion that all the paint colors I chose for this haven 3 years ago are still very "me" - in all the hours I have been cooped up - none of the rooms have made me crazy! Many times (who am I kidding, DAILY), I've longed to bust out of these walls, jump into my Forester and head for the hills - to get some fresh air, some perspective, to leave this concrete jungle and breathe.
Wednesday, that changes! Wednesday my year long restrictions are lifted and I can go!!! Go wherever I want to. Wednesday, is my freedom day! My case is closed, my dues are paid and I regain my independence. I have a new found thankfulness for my own set of wheels. I will be reminded again and again of what a gift it is to drive myself anywhere. The bus system here has been helpful, but even more so - my family and friends showed up in full force anytime I needed to run errands or do something social.
So - what is the first adventure I am gonna make with my re-found liberty? I am filling a cooler with cold soda and fun snacks... packing my ipod and my journal... and taking off full speed south for Skyline Drive! One of the prettiest stretches of the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia. I want to take in the scenery at my own pace, roll the winds down and drive without obligations, timelines or concerns. I will have my camera, a tent and a map in tow, just in case the road leads me into new, exciting places.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
- gaelic blessing
4 comments:
I am beyond excited about Wednesday! SO excited! I know this last year has been so hard on you... but I also know God has been working, teaching and leading you through all of this. I hope Wednesday is a blast! It sounds like so much fun! So much more that work anyway! Who needs work?! I wish I could roam the wide open roads with you! Hopefully I'll visit soon! I miss you! Much love and congrats!
oh April! i had no idea. i am so sorry that happened and what an incredibly scary experience. i have had many friends get DUI's and it is no walk in the park. good job on your perserverance. you will be rewarded wednesday!
I love you!!! I know this year has been hard. I love that you're heart is still there and you will remember your chains, but you will soon remember your chains are gone and you are free.
A lot of respect for your honesty in writing abou thtis; it happens to so many people but glad it is over and you are "free' once more.
Post a Comment