My stomach feels acidic - I need to get to those dishes by 12:30 t0day - that should be my goal - mom always tells me to set the alarm for 30 minutes and see how much cleaning I can to on something, then move on - Grandma used to clean that way. I have FPU tonight and I don't want to go - I haven't read but like 4 chapters total and haven't done my budget allocation sheets due weeks ago - I just now saw the new salary I will be working with, and I thought it was going to be a lot more per month - is my math off or is it that healthcare and taxes, etc just take THAT much? - I am always astounded at the difference between my gross and net pay - the gap is wide. Yabo is laying here in the desk drawer beside me and reaches out every few minutes to break my concentration so I will pay attention to her. I take her to the vet at 3 and I am not expecting good news - what will doc say? Is it time to put her down? Is this tumor causing too much pain? What will I do without her sweet spirit around me each day - I will never find another tiny furry companion that fits me so well. Does she know she is deeply loved?
I need to cancel my online page since I am not using the website for jewelry. It's just been sitting there for years now. Maybe I can save that fee each month and buy supplies to focus on just selling through Etsy. They do already have the shopping cart and payment part worked out afterall. Why don't I move on this idea, what is my problem? Why am I so stuck? Does the stuff I create really measure up? What if this ends up being a disasterous failure? Does that mean I am not really an artist afterall? What if nobody buys my jewelry or paintings and I feel rejected? I don't do well with rejection. That's 100% the reason I am not out there creating opportunities to date. I get devastated by rejection and right now, if I was a guy, I would reject me. Honestly. That's another stuck point. Why can't I get my fat ass to work out? People do it, and lose weight, and feel better about themselves ALL THE TIME. It is a scientific fact that I will slim down if I eat better and exercise. It would happen. But here I stay - in this familiar unhealthy spot. Blah.
I need to do some stuff that my new boss assigned for me to do from home. I don't want to work. I don't like it. I want to play house and make babies and create stuff all day. That is my dream. And travel. I have not been out of the country in almost 10 years!!!!!!!! I feel stifled and landlocked. That is one of the biggest goals for this whole 'get my budget crap in order' project... set money aside to travel. Where would I go, internationally? Well - in no particular order and right off the top of my head... Greece, Spain, South Africa, Kenya, New Zealand, Thailand, Scotland. Domestically? Austin, Seattle, Chicago, Big Sur, NYC during the Christmas decorations. I need to take those boxes and stuff down to my storage unit in the basement. Then my apartment won't have all that extra stuff cluttering the floors and I can do the wet swiffer and really enjoy the Christmas things I put out. I need to add a bow to the wreath on my door. Wonder if I already have some pretty cloth ribbon I can use. Look at this pile of papers! Yikes. Sad about the forests. What a waste. I should ask the new company when my 401k is set up so I can roll over my FHI balance. Should I make that chicken salad now, the one Ada likes? It's so freakin' good.
The gift I ordered her from Target.com will probably arrive today. Funny how she got so excited over the holiday napkins and napkin rings in that catalog. It's the simple things, though. I like the simple things. Simplify. Amplify. Verify. Ok, April. You need to pick up your alterations and some sodas and cat treats sometime today. And leave the landlord a note about the rent check. I wonder when it will snow. The trees outside this window are looking bare and the neighbor across the way ought to throw those squirrel ravaged pumpkins out. Let them go, lady. Maybe I will find time to journal at the coffeeshop before my class tonight. I think my Groupon there is worth $15. I think they even sell sandwiches - dinner, score. That Redskins game was terrible. How come this city, this great city, has such sucky ball teams? It's lame. I guess I haven't been to a hockey game in years. Capitals might be worth a watch.
2 comments:
April, I don't know how I missed this post back in Nov. I do love your honestly and I know it helps me when I can unwind or list things like this. This post goes very well with your blog title also.
On a side note, I do think your stuff is very creative and ppl would buy it. Don't let fear or failure or rejection prevent you from living your life or your dreams. You long to be creative and you love being creative. God has given you these talents and desires and by living in fear you aren't living in faith, you are giving into the lies Satan is whispering to you.
You are an amazing woman of God who has a loving heart whom I know God has many good things in store for you. Sometimes we just have to take that leap of faith and step out of our comfort zone - move towards God in faith a little baby step and I promise He'll move the mtn to get to you!
love you!
Thanks for your words, Courtney! I find them very encouraging.
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